Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt and is one that has left a lasting impression on me.

It is human nature to spend time & energy comparing ourselves to others. How they look, how we perceive they feel, their status and their possessions. Even monkeys in the wild have been observed to fall prey to this behavior. What’s interesting is that the concept of comparison implies that there is possibility of choice.  That one can somehow have what the other person has. The real question is do you even want what they have, or does it seem appealing because you don’t?

An unwanted negative effect of comparison is that it can manifest as jealousy. Jealousy’ power is derived from a lack of information — or ignorance.  A theme I see among my clients is a perception of this person that they want to become but in parallel with who they think others want them to be. It’s unfortunate because this “they” that is driving their decisions doesn’t actually exist.

Social media has made this even more pervasive.  Wedding and baby photos, extravagant trips, and fancy dinners can subtly make people feel like their lives are not as fulfilling as others. The reality check however is that no one’s life is completely free of sadness, pain, shortcomings, disappointments, or insecurities. The even more poignant reality is that their struggles are similar to ones you may have experienced or will one day experience. We are all interconnected in the human condition and are not immune to good or bad fortune. Holding yourself up to some outside vague standard of greatness will not bring you any form of fulfillment.

So if this is our human nature, what can we do to counteract this phenomenon which is so prevalent in our society?

I believe that gratitude can be a powerful antidote. Being grateful engenders generosity. When you are giving, you are not looking for what you lack.  Gratitude can help shift that perception to focus on what really matters for you to be your most authentic self.

Remember that comparison can be motivating, but it can also make you miserable. If you must compare, then seek favorable comparisons to feel happier and be sure you have the full picture before making an assumption.

To summarize with this powerful quote by Steve Furtick;

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes reality with everyone else’s’ highlight reel”