The Professional Languages of Love
A glimpse into understanding different professional communication styles and how they interact optimally with each other!
Two decades ago a book surfaced called The Five Languages of Love, by Gary Chapman.
The book outlines how we express and receive love through five distinct patterns, namely; Gift Giving, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Chapman explores the idea that if you can identify your own language and that of your partner, you will be able to communicate more effectively and thus be able to receive and give love in ways that are more meaningful to you and your partner.
Life is made up of a series of exchanges. When we speak we don’t always anticipate how the recipient will interpret our words. Understanding a recipient’s language can significantly change the dynamic of a relationship. This understanding leaves less room for the speaker to feel misunderstood. If my love language happens to be Words of Affirmation and you show me affection by showering me with presents (The Gift Giving language), your attempt at showing me affection will have considerably less impact than say, you vocalizing to me how much you appreciated reading my fantastic blog piece on communication styles!
The nature of our relationships with colleagues, business associates and leaders differs somewhat from the connections we have with our spouses and family, so presumably, the way that we communicate should adapt accordingly. This notion that we exhibit distinct communication patterns in our professional lives elicited a strong curiosity in me. I started to pay close attention to the styles of speech in my work context. What emerged were trends grouping into four pronounced categories that were somewhat parallel to the book, removing the “intimacy equasion”.
Here is MY personal take on four types of professional personas and their corresponding communication preferences.
The language of money/numbers: This person thinks in numbers, statistics, and calculations. There is little consideration for emotional concerns in the equasion of this communicator’s style. If you are an employee and your leader has this as their dominent language, it is important to speak in black and white terms. Some effective techniques of interacting to get what you need could be; by referencing past financial successes of a specific project, or being able to demonstrate projected financial gains or earning potential as to offer credibility/viability to your request . If you are a leader, you can use financial incentives to motivate your employees.
The language of logic/problem solving: This language revolves around an exchange of data and facts. Logic-type people are solutions-oriented, concise and straight shooters. They like to problem solve what you bring to them. They will only consider an emotional quotiant if it makes sense to the equation at-hand. When communicating to this type, ensure that your speech is to the point; otherwise you may lose their interest with too much detail. Ideal success is in presenting your idea/request with a why, when, and how. If you need to motivate this individual to help you, demonstrate the logic/ potential cause and effect of a desired behavior or action.
Language of helping/self-importance/words of affirmation: Here, dialogue is focused on the ego, or how the person can be perceived to/by others. They are concerned with what value can they can bring in assisting you. Their personal drive to react can stem from a place of competition, or alternatively a determination to succeed and feel valued. Make this communicator feel invaluable; assuring them that you could not achieve a certain accomplishment without their help/input. Another effective approach is to relate your needs in a way that furthers their success or credibility. You can easily motivate this type of person with praise or making them feel part of a team success.
The language of feelings/beng heard: A sensor responds well to being heard, fairness, and a thoughtful ear. They don’t want their problem solved, they want to feel understood. The best gift you can offer is an attentive ear, without necessarily dispensing any advice. Engage and motivate by hearing their concerns and offer empathy as a way of connecting with them.
Incoming/Outgoing communication variations
Not surprisingly most individuals I observed were multilingual in some respects, displaying different patterns in varying situations. However, many tended to have a dominant language that governed their behavior and actions. It is also worth mentioning that in several cases a person’s language for receiving differed from the way in which they dispensed ideas or thoughts. A common combination observed involved individuals using their egos to drive what they wanted to hear, while offering up advice and opinions using a voice of logic.
I have tested my theory extensively over the last few years and by adapting communication styles, there was a shift towards more productive exchanges where both parties walked away feeling satisfied and heard. The conversations felt more collaborative and the key to this satisfaction was in the delivery method of the love language.
Do you recognize your own language? Can you identify any of your colleagues or leaders in these dispositions?
Once you do, you can apply your own spin to these techniques to assist with everyday conversations, making sure that you are a winner in the professional communication game!
